Those conversations in a way has helped me prepare for the inevitable. That night I was told that she was gone,there was so much pain but the tears seemed to have dried up. I hated myself for that...it felt wrong. It was like betraying her.
The reality was hard to comprehend at first given the fact that she was with me for as long as I can remember, even lived with me in Mandaluyong during my first year in college.We had fights but nothing change the fact that she was a great Nanay to me... to us.
It's only now while writing this that I'm mourning again after years of her passing. Tears fell down on my face uncontrollably. I miss her. Images of Nanay Manang suddenly appeared in my mind and I can see her smiling at me.
I felt relieved.