Now that Karen is 7 months old, it's time for me to find a job but the thought of not being there all the time is upsetting. I feel that I am not ready yet for this kind of separation. We are just starting to get to know each other and she is beginning to get used to my company. We are starting to have fun and I want to be near her when she needs Nanay. To be there when she cries and wants a cuddle. To see her day to day improvement.
There are so many " what if's" in my mind that paralyze me. I know that this is not good. Then the need to justify myself sets in--that I am a first time mother--but deep inside I also know for a fact that millions of mothers went through this and that to be a full time Nanay is not an option for now. So in the meantime, between job-hunting and making the apartment safe for her, I forge a loving relationship with my daughter. The one with quality time. Something she will always cherish and be proud of.
Now that Karen is 7 months old, it's time for me to find a job but the thought of not being there all the time is upsetting. I feel that I am not ready yet for this kind of separation. We are just starting to get to know each other and she is beginning to get used to my company. We are starting to have fun and I want to be near her when she needs Nanay. To be there when she cries and wants a cuddle. To see her day to day improvement.
There are so many " what if's" in my mind that paralyze me. I know that this is not good. Then the need to justify myself sets in--that I am a first time mother--but deep inside I also know for a fact that millions of mothers went through this and that to be a full time Nanay is not an option for now. So in the meantime, between job-hunting and making the apartment safe for her, I forge a loving relationship with my daughter. The one with quality time. Something she will always cherish and be proud of.
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